Please Know...

As I come to know these fine people, they share with me more of their personal and sensitive stories. Their collective story is what I am trying to share with you as my way of breaking the stereotypical beliefs that exist. "Blog names" have occasionally been given to me by the person whose story I am telling. Names are never their actual names and wherever I can do so, I might use the opposite pronoun (his/her, etc.) just to help increase their privacy.


Monday, November 2, 2020

Agony Upon Agony

She was conceived and born addicted.

Agony Upon Agony

She was fed drugs through childhood and "played with" by her several uncles.

Agony Upon Agony

Her dad told her that in his eyes she was not his daughter but rather a piece of meat to use for his own sexual pleasure.

Agony Upon Agony

Bullied and beaten in grade school and middle school and never getting to high school.

Agony Upon Agony

Verbal and physical and sexual abuse from family and "friends"

Agony Upon Agony

Addiction follows her with every event and every turn of life's path.

Agony Upon Agony

Homeless and rained on as she tries to sleep under a set of steps near her family home.

Agony Upon Agony

Time and time again, raped[1] on dates that she does only to provide funding for her addiction.[2]

Agony Upon Agony

Screamed at by a street preacher that she better change her sinful ways or risk burning in Hell.

Agony Upon Agony

Fed slop called a good dinner by a well-meaning visiting church who tells her that God is her Father who loves her[3].

Agony Upon Agony

Being rained on, doing 'dates' and occasionally being raped continues year after year as she grows up on the streets and alternates between coherent and high.

Agony Upon Agony

She makes a friend who really cares.  A moment of joy…  While walking together one day, he's assassinated in front of her, shot in the head in an apparent drug war dispute.

Agony Upon Agony

Bullet-ridden Nightmares persist for months as do the dates and occasional rapes.

Agony Upon Agony

An injection of something other than heroin causes an almost fatal overdose.

Agony Upon Agony[4]

Having been injecting for so many years, her veins no longer work as they did.  It now takes hours of trying to do the shot, hours of multiple needle sticks to her own hands, arms, feet, legs, neck and body using the same needle.

Agony Upon Agony

Some time ago, her brain began a war with itself.  One side of her brain begged "Stop doing this!"  The other side of her brain screamed louder than loud "You love the drug!"

Agony Upon Agony

Exhausted by it all, she sits on the steps leading to the El[5].  Local police without getting out of their car and with flashing lights and blaring bullhorns tell her to stop sitting on public property.

Agony Upon Agony


But one day, a brief window of opportunity opens.  The quieter side of her brain screams Louder than ever before.  

"STOP!!!"

With every available fear filled ounce of determination focused on this mission, she walks to the nearest crisis center a very long walk away.  She knocks on the locked security door.  The guard opens the heavy metal door and asks "Why are you here?"

"I'm an addict here for detox." She confesses as if speaking to her childhood priest.

The guard tells you to come in.  "Strip down to one layer of outer clothing and put everything else in this trash bag.  I'm going to frisk you……  OK… Now walk through this metal detector."

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

You're greeted by a burned-out registered nurse who simply says "Fill out this form and give it back to me."

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing

You comply as you sit next to a passed out man who is a bit further ahead in this process and who smells like the alcohol he's been consuming and the urine he's been peeing on himself and multiple days of unwashed sweat.

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

Hours go by as you sit in worn out chairs purchased decades ago and inhale the fumes of sweat and urine of people in various stages of this same process of Medicaid funded healing.

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

After hours of sitting, dope sickness[6] is taking over.  You beg to use the locked bathroom and the guard uncaringly lets you in.  You enter and pull one bag of heroin out of your vagina - placed there so as not to be found in the search by the guard.  You snort it in the absence of your normal needle.

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

More hours go by and the "nurse" tells you there are no beds available anywhere in the city and to come back tomorrow.

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

You beg and plead for help.  The guard tells you to get off their property.

Agony Upon Agony in the midst of hoping for healing.

 You're aware that dope sickness is trying to take over again.  You have no more dope and no more money.  You need quick money now and so you manage in the midst of your dope sickness to get to your preferred street corner and stand there with a glued on smile as if waiting for a specific friend.  You hop in the car of a random man…  You tell me later that

 "One was an important lawyer who picked me up in his Cadillac, took me to a center city hotel, tied me to the bed, had his way with me, got dressed, untied me and left the room.  I had to use some of the money he gave me for public transit just to get back here to buy my medicine."  

Agony Upon Agony

You're starving, literally starving, worn out and exhausted. 

Agony Upon Agony

You try to sleep under that step near your family home as rain pours on you on those bad weather nights. 

Agony Upon Agony

From time to time, you continue to be raped on those dates that you do as your only available source of income.

Agony Upon Agony

These examples of agonies upon agonies could continue for page after page of this blog.  Suffice it to say that:

The Medicaid bound medical representatives of Hippocrates have had multiple opportunities to end the agony upon agony and failed miserably each and every day multiple times a day with men and women whose brains have screamed   "STOP!!!."

When will the leaders of our society look at the failings of the intake process within its system of Medicaid based medical provision, make improvements and begin to save lives?



[1] People have occasionally asked me how rape exists in a setting where sexual activity is the purpose of the interaction.  The man and woman may have agreed to a certain "level" of sexual activity such as only oral.  If the man forces intercourse, that's rape.

[2] given to her by her mother at the moment of her conception

[3] While her only understanding of "father" is "rapist."

[4] with a dose of blessing by the random person nearby who had Narcan and saved her.

[5] Elevated train line that runs the length of the street for many blocks

[6] Symptoms of dope sickness – and their intensity – can vary by person, drug of choice, and the amount of drugs used on a regular basis. However, common signs of dope sickness include: Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and/or constipation, Loss of appetite/huge return of appetite, Hot and cold flashes, Muscle aches and spasms, The sensation of bugs crawling on or under the skin, Hyper-awareness, Dry mouth, Headaches, Insomnia, Sweating…

These physical effects are often accompanied by mental and emotional symptoms. Those who are dope sick may also experience: Agitation, Anxiety, Paranoia, Frustration, Depression, Despondency

 

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